january 9 2025

Everywhere I need to be is always 20 minutes away. I let everyone talk to me at the grocery store. I let them complain about the price of the cat food I’m buying. They never actually own cats, but the story matters to me just as much. 

A man interjected my argument to tell me he was on the local government watchlist. He cited ‘asking too many questions’ as the reason, but told me he still worked for the city. He spoke very fast, and followed me to my table at the restaurant. I ate a corn dog and checked the sex offender’s registry. He had been arrested for public urination eight years before. When I got back home, I bought a background check. I was clean. 

I still put a cross above every doorway I have. Everyone I grew up around had a cross above every doorway. I still have a bright red scar on my right palm that never healed. The monsignor still remembers my real name. I have never been confused about my devotion.

My mom dreams about not having shoes around the pope. I don’t dream, only glimpses, but I always have my shoes on. Her fears are not without reason. She has been kicked out of the Vatican. I have not. I win.

No one ever believes that Obama wrote me a letter. I wonder if he thinks I am up to any good. I never walk in the bike lane. I always stand so nice. My hair is past my shoulders now. I know the importance of the third-party vote. I have a lot to be proud of. 

It is good to be recognized for all of your supposed sacrifice. It brings you closer to a conclusion. I don’t think about it too much, because I always have a leg up. You become more yourself with a leg up. 

You cannot say you are seventeen anymore. Your shoulders have developed past lank collarbones and you have money in Nintendo stock. You have almost aged to the fullest extent. There is not much else to accomplish. Other than being seventeen. 

I create such a desirable product. It is an absolute that continues to comfort me. I have something that someone wants. I have socialized myself for seamless production. I am whatever distracts. I am the right amount.

There is no pride in putting away what needs to be put away. And only wearing those shoes on your birthday. You need to be orderly, and very confident. There is only room for doubt every five years.

I still deserve credit. It is good to be noticed. It is better to grow quick.

There is not enough time for everything I need to prove.