january 12 2026

I can’t really make sense of it when I put it all together. I think if you split yourself in two you can figure it out. Nothing better than like figuring it out. There is such a strict deadline. You have to do everything before you can do the one little thing.

Everything is so loud and so close to me. I can’t sleep past 4am anymore, but I’m not even annoying about it like I should be. “I’m up before you and have more hours in my day” and all that. I don’t mind being humble about my sleeping habits.

I have real things in front of me now, not just things to look back on. I have a way of going about life. Up and up, like I’ve said. I realized the other day that every time I get into my car after I get gas I mentally prepare myself for my car setting on fire and dying because I put the gas in wrong; a gross manifestation of how I approach problems. But it’s all not real, and I’m not on fire.

You need to set people up to solve pain rather than set them up to accept pleasure. It takes too much out of you to work around the baseline.

It always feels like something is coming up that I’m dreading. It feels like tomorrow something is planned that I’m going to hate, but I have nothing to do tomorrow. I have to remind myself there is nothing to do tomorrow. But the dread overwhelms my logic, and I fear what I have to do tomorrow. There’s an imaginary deadline that cripples everyday life, but the goal will never be reached and the deadline will continually be pushed back.

Nothing will get accomplished. 

And it’s all put in front of a mirror and reflected back to you. Everyone looks so young. What a great deep line in your face, I hope you feel better about it.

You should be so lucky to get a minute of relief. It is forever annoying that everything has already been done before. But the year is over now, so I guess there’s not much to be done anyways.